Thursday, January 27, 2011
Biblical Counseling for Women: The Sin of Perfectionism
Biblical Counseling for Women: The Sin of Perfectionism: "If you are a perfectionist, you already know that you hate being a 'beginner' at anything. A new game or a new job or social situation is ..."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
thoughts of my time in Málaga
So, I am not a consistent blog writer. As a matter of fact, I suck at blogging. Back when I first started to blog... when I had a Xanga account and Facebook was non-existent... well, I wrote more. That was my outlet. Now, Facebook has taken over all forms of lengthy communication and thoughts and replaced it with short quips and random, nonsensical-isms. It is very easy to become a part of a world where you don't think deeply about things, a world where you don't take the time to sit and communicate... as a matter of fact, you don't know how to even communicate anymore, without a computer screen in front of you. A lot of people aren't even sure how to laugh apart from acronyms such as LOL and ROTFL (wow, those acronyms can get so long, too...). So we're a society of statistics. The question is... of what statistic do you want to be a part? I'm still counting my statistics and playing my coins... but blogging may just be one of them. I hope.
I've been in Málaga, Spain for a month, more or less. I've had more emotions here than I knew possible to have in one day, from anger, despair, frustration, panic, worry, you name it... to peace that surpasses all understanding, joy, laughter... in general... a harmony of grace that amazes even me. I have been trying to figure out how to summarize this experience concisely, and I'm not sure concise is even possible. A few lessons have stood out: I've learned more and more about patience, relying upon the Lord, and grace; I've learned how very vital it is to communicate clearly; I've learned how precious it is to have people standing behind you in prayer as you face days that feeeeeeeel overwhelmingly impossible. I have seen God completely revolutionize my thinking in several areas, test me in ways that I never would (or could) have imagined... overall, completely blessed me in ways that I never anticipated. A lot of the lessons I've learned here, I wouldn't have learned in the States. I HAD to be outside of my comfort zone; I had to be somewhere where the only one I could rely upon was the Lord. I have learned when things are rough--I turn to people over turning to God. A lot of people do this, instinctively... we want to HEAR reassurance, correction, guidance... we sit and pray about it, looking at the sky waiting for an airplane to appear and write directions. It doesn't work this way. God will do whatever it takes to get your attention--for me, that included dropping me off in another country where I struggle with the language and culture without another to rely upon for help. In the midst of all of that, God was not far... when I hit my personal breaking point, when I wasn't sure how to go on one more day, God provided the strength to go on... and when I hit that wall again, more strength and encouragement came my way. By the end of the second week I broke--I didn't know HOW to go about the next day, even, and just fell flat on my face. If the Lord didn't intervene at that point, I was toast. That night I was put in contact with another American missionary who helped change the entire tone of this trip for me. When I was truly at the end of my rope, God made a way of escape for me. I saw 1 Cor. 10:13 come to life, again: "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." And yes, the context of this verse is idolatry. So how does it apply in THIS situation? What amazed me the MOST those first two weeks revolved around how many little idols I had creeping around in my heart and life. Fear, even, can become an idol, take on its own life. It can dominate your thoughts, life, everything, to where all you can think about is the fear--and completely lose sight of God. I was reading about the life and ministry of Paul, and this verse jumped out at me-- 1Cr 2:3 NASB - I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling,-- PAUL WAS FEARFUL?! That made me stop in my path. If Paul was fearful, then why was I surprised at how fearful I felt? The difference, though, was Paul's response to the fear... read the entire passage:
1Cr 2:1-5 NASB - And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.
Paul never let his fear stop him from being about God's work. I allowed fear to paralyze me, for a while. Paul's faith never ceases to amaze me... and he certainly did not walk an easy road. It was quite lonely. But he was never alone. His speech was a demonstration of the Spirit of God and His power. That has been one of my greatest comforts... even when I am the most alone, I am never truly alone... and if I am speaking words of Life, the word of God, into another's life... I am to trust His word will not return void, and rest in the power of God to make His word effective in their lives. To simply be in a position to speak into another's life, even if to simply plant a seed pointing them to Jesus, is an honor I do not ever want to take for granted. Evangelism is not a burden... it is a privilege. How easy we forget this.
These past two weeks have been lessons of a different kind, for me. Instead of isolated, by myself, apart from English speakers and familiar culture, I have been staying with another American. She speaks my language; her home has all the creature comforts of American culture, including a TV with movies, in ENGLISH... it has been a wonderful time for me, to fellowship, enjoy the country, but have a place to retreat away from the stresses of another culture. It has helped me to see what daily living as a missionary in a foreign field is truly like. The absolute necessity of self motivation and innovation has left its impression on me. You don't have a boss here, telling you what to do, when to do it, how to go about it... you have to be driven to do it without another urging you along. You must have your focus about you-- know what you are here to do, and do it. I have had two tasks before me during this trip--teach an English class three days a week and input a lot of information into a database for the community center. One aspect involves interacting with people--one does not. When I look at these two sides of ministry I have had the opportunity to be a part of, I see the most impact in the data entry over teaching. In teaching, I have the chance to interact with people, but very little (if any) spiritual conversation happens. As a matter of fact, in the center, there isn't spiritual conversation. That ministry is purely to build bridges and relationships with people with the hopes of speaking into their lives outside the center. I haven't had one conversation that even mentions the name of Jesus. Has this been a waste of time? Not at all!! It is not what we picture ministry to be, in the States... in our evangelism classes at seminaries and bible colleges, it was an 'unsuccessful' contact if you did not present the gospel and lead them in a prayer to receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We lose the concept of building bridges, relationships. I will not be here in five days to have a conversation with someone, if the Lord gives the opportunity--others will be. Prayerfully, by my contribution in teaching a class to a bunch of kids and a few adults, another bridge was built. That, in my opinion, is a success. The data entry, however--I am able to contribute in a way that is meaningful to the workers at the center. I am able to take a project off their hands and get it going, when they do not have the time to do so. It blesses me, to be able to bless them. For this... I am exceedingly thankful.
A few weeks ago, the thought of returning here for ANY reason in ministry was ludicrous. There was NO WAY I would willingly step back into this situation willingly, for long term. Seeing things change, though, the past two weeks--has given me time to reevaluate. I don't know what the future holds... I can't say that I know for sure there is a ministry here I would want to be a part of, even. But I also cannot say that I would not come back, if the Lord leads. My life is not my own; I am a vessel in His hands to do what He wants to do with me. That may not be overseas, it may be right in Kansas City, even. But, to be a vessel, to be used... that... is an honor I can't even put into words. God will do what He wants with what is His... and I am thankful to proclaim KNOW that I am HIS, and He can do whatever He wants with me... may that be shuffling papers in an office, serving in missions, singing with the worship team at church, scrubbing toilets or anything else you can think of... none of it is for my glory. For HIS glory, and that alone... Soli Deo Gloria!
I've been in Málaga, Spain for a month, more or less. I've had more emotions here than I knew possible to have in one day, from anger, despair, frustration, panic, worry, you name it... to peace that surpasses all understanding, joy, laughter... in general... a harmony of grace that amazes even me. I have been trying to figure out how to summarize this experience concisely, and I'm not sure concise is even possible. A few lessons have stood out: I've learned more and more about patience, relying upon the Lord, and grace; I've learned how very vital it is to communicate clearly; I've learned how precious it is to have people standing behind you in prayer as you face days that feeeeeeeel overwhelmingly impossible. I have seen God completely revolutionize my thinking in several areas, test me in ways that I never would (or could) have imagined... overall, completely blessed me in ways that I never anticipated. A lot of the lessons I've learned here, I wouldn't have learned in the States. I HAD to be outside of my comfort zone; I had to be somewhere where the only one I could rely upon was the Lord. I have learned when things are rough--I turn to people over turning to God. A lot of people do this, instinctively... we want to HEAR reassurance, correction, guidance... we sit and pray about it, looking at the sky waiting for an airplane to appear and write directions. It doesn't work this way. God will do whatever it takes to get your attention--for me, that included dropping me off in another country where I struggle with the language and culture without another to rely upon for help. In the midst of all of that, God was not far... when I hit my personal breaking point, when I wasn't sure how to go on one more day, God provided the strength to go on... and when I hit that wall again, more strength and encouragement came my way. By the end of the second week I broke--I didn't know HOW to go about the next day, even, and just fell flat on my face. If the Lord didn't intervene at that point, I was toast. That night I was put in contact with another American missionary who helped change the entire tone of this trip for me. When I was truly at the end of my rope, God made a way of escape for me. I saw 1 Cor. 10:13 come to life, again: "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." And yes, the context of this verse is idolatry. So how does it apply in THIS situation? What amazed me the MOST those first two weeks revolved around how many little idols I had creeping around in my heart and life. Fear, even, can become an idol, take on its own life. It can dominate your thoughts, life, everything, to where all you can think about is the fear--and completely lose sight of God. I was reading about the life and ministry of Paul, and this verse jumped out at me-- 1Cr 2:3 NASB - I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling,-- PAUL WAS FEARFUL?! That made me stop in my path. If Paul was fearful, then why was I surprised at how fearful I felt? The difference, though, was Paul's response to the fear... read the entire passage:
1Cr 2:1-5 NASB - And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.
Paul never let his fear stop him from being about God's work. I allowed fear to paralyze me, for a while. Paul's faith never ceases to amaze me... and he certainly did not walk an easy road. It was quite lonely. But he was never alone. His speech was a demonstration of the Spirit of God and His power. That has been one of my greatest comforts... even when I am the most alone, I am never truly alone... and if I am speaking words of Life, the word of God, into another's life... I am to trust His word will not return void, and rest in the power of God to make His word effective in their lives. To simply be in a position to speak into another's life, even if to simply plant a seed pointing them to Jesus, is an honor I do not ever want to take for granted. Evangelism is not a burden... it is a privilege. How easy we forget this.
These past two weeks have been lessons of a different kind, for me. Instead of isolated, by myself, apart from English speakers and familiar culture, I have been staying with another American. She speaks my language; her home has all the creature comforts of American culture, including a TV with movies, in ENGLISH... it has been a wonderful time for me, to fellowship, enjoy the country, but have a place to retreat away from the stresses of another culture. It has helped me to see what daily living as a missionary in a foreign field is truly like. The absolute necessity of self motivation and innovation has left its impression on me. You don't have a boss here, telling you what to do, when to do it, how to go about it... you have to be driven to do it without another urging you along. You must have your focus about you-- know what you are here to do, and do it. I have had two tasks before me during this trip--teach an English class three days a week and input a lot of information into a database for the community center. One aspect involves interacting with people--one does not. When I look at these two sides of ministry I have had the opportunity to be a part of, I see the most impact in the data entry over teaching. In teaching, I have the chance to interact with people, but very little (if any) spiritual conversation happens. As a matter of fact, in the center, there isn't spiritual conversation. That ministry is purely to build bridges and relationships with people with the hopes of speaking into their lives outside the center. I haven't had one conversation that even mentions the name of Jesus. Has this been a waste of time? Not at all!! It is not what we picture ministry to be, in the States... in our evangelism classes at seminaries and bible colleges, it was an 'unsuccessful' contact if you did not present the gospel and lead them in a prayer to receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We lose the concept of building bridges, relationships. I will not be here in five days to have a conversation with someone, if the Lord gives the opportunity--others will be. Prayerfully, by my contribution in teaching a class to a bunch of kids and a few adults, another bridge was built. That, in my opinion, is a success. The data entry, however--I am able to contribute in a way that is meaningful to the workers at the center. I am able to take a project off their hands and get it going, when they do not have the time to do so. It blesses me, to be able to bless them. For this... I am exceedingly thankful.
A few weeks ago, the thought of returning here for ANY reason in ministry was ludicrous. There was NO WAY I would willingly step back into this situation willingly, for long term. Seeing things change, though, the past two weeks--has given me time to reevaluate. I don't know what the future holds... I can't say that I know for sure there is a ministry here I would want to be a part of, even. But I also cannot say that I would not come back, if the Lord leads. My life is not my own; I am a vessel in His hands to do what He wants to do with me. That may not be overseas, it may be right in Kansas City, even. But, to be a vessel, to be used... that... is an honor I can't even put into words. God will do what He wants with what is His... and I am thankful to proclaim KNOW that I am HIS, and He can do whatever He wants with me... may that be shuffling papers in an office, serving in missions, singing with the worship team at church, scrubbing toilets or anything else you can think of... none of it is for my glory. For HIS glory, and that alone... Soli Deo Gloria!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)